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I am not a Stepford Wife

February 27, 2012
Under the sink

No-go areas

It’s Day 2 of the new regime. I have tried quite hard to resist the urge to let Ant and Dec out of my head, but there are only so many things a person can control. In my head they are shouting: “It’s Dee Twwo of the Booshtooker Trayells!” Yes, just like that.

And then, just because they know they’ve got my attention: “Aye! Baiker Groove!”

Maybe they will stop now.

So. Today’s activities were to get dressed in the morning (including shoes, if you please) and shine your sink before you go to bed.

Tick. Tick. Easy. It’s a weekday; I work in an office; of course I get dressed and wear shoes. 🙂

I have realised that my house, and in particular my kitchen, has turned into a series of no-go areas with a network of paths and staging areas between and around them. In my kitchen I keep things that I use regularly out on the side or the open shelves, so they will be “handy”. But what happens is that I end up with clutter spilling out all over the place, smaller and smaller areas of the kitchen that I can actually use – and meanwhile all the cupboards and corners and crannies are full of things I never or rarely use. Consequently, I have no idea what is in my cupboards, corners and crannies (oo, I like that – very alliterative) and since I never really look at them I don’t realise how crowded and dusty and horrible they are, or how much crap is in there that I really, really don’t need.

For example, today I peered into a corner and found a surprise pile of oven gloves. I had no idea they were there – two double mitts and two single mitts. And I only bought myself new oven gloves last week! Only one of the double mitts is of any conceivable use to me (the other had a burn hole, and I never use single mitts because I have more than one hand). I chucked the rest and put the other one back until I know what else to do with it.

One of my new strategies, then, will be to reclaim all those places. I can’t do it all at once, but I’ve made a start. I’ve cleared out one half of the cupboard under the sink.

I’ve chucked out all the empty or broken containers and the cleaning products that will clearly never get used, piled up all the crap I’m not sure what to do with in the other half of the cupboard (I never said this was a pretty process, did I?), cleaned up the cupboard, put the surviving products in a box, and put the box back in the cupboard. Yes, it is much tidier that way, isn’t it?

But, there is a small stroke of genius of which I am rather proud, which makes this an act of reclamation rather than yet another futile tidy-up. You see there, in the box, front and centre, the top of a bottle of washing up liquid? I will be going into this cupboard every day to get the washing up liquid out. And to put it back again.

This is no longer a cupboard of doom. It is a part of my kitchen I actually use.

And no, I’m not a Stepford Wife. In fact, for the record, I’m not any kind of wife at all and have no plans to become one.

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